My sister was a secret alcoholic

On the surface, lawyer Leonora Kawecki appeared to have it all.

But behind the scenes, she was slowly killing herself with alcohol.

Leonora was just 39 when she died of liver failure in 2003 – and, tragically, hers is not an isolated case.

Shock figures released by the Office For National Statistics last week showed that the number of women dying from drinking has DOUBLED in 15 years.

And women in their thirties – like Leonora – are most at risk.

For Leonora’s older sister Julia, 52, a business development consultant from Northants, the statistics do not come as much of a surprise.

“Sadly. heavy drinking is increasingly culturally acceptable in the UK,” she says.

“It isn’t just students having a good time. More and more adult women have unhealthy relationships with alcohol. It has become a way of dealing with the stress of busy lives.”

Intelligent beauty Leonora was the kind of girl who appeared to lead an enviable life.

She was the head girl at school and easily scored brilliant exam results at university before going on to a highflying career as a solicitor in Hull.

There were trips abroad, cruises and parties where pretty Leonora, always in the latest designer clothes, would socialise with ease.

But behind the confident front, she was hiding a terrible secret.

In her early thirties she began to rely more and more on alcohol, helped along by the social functions she attended almost nightly where champagne flowed freely.

Shaking

Living in Northamptonshire, Julia didn’t realise that Leonora’s “social” drinking was spiralling out of control until her sister had to come home early from a holiday in America suffering terrible withdrawal symptoms as a result of not drinking.

She says: “After a week of not drinking, Leonora was shaking constantly and had been hallucinating. I had no idea how much she depended on alcohol until then.”

Her sister, then aged 34, began the first of what was to be a series of supervised detox sessions at Hull Royal Infirmary.

Tests showed her liver had been affected by alcohol but, at that point, the damage was reversible. She was told that if she stopped drinking immediately, her liver should recover.

But she failed to heed the advice.

Julia says: “She gave the impression that she was still allowed to have a glass of wine as long as she didn’t overdo it.”

Leonora hid her drinking well. She never smelled of alcohol or seemed hungover.

But looking back, Julia can see there were signs. She says: “She had grown incredibly thin. Alcoholics often lose any interest in food.

“Her skin had grown kind of saggy and dull. Her eyes would often be glassy, even though she would swear she hadn’t touched a drop.”

Julia has her own theories about what may have pushed Leonora to drink more.

She says: “Our mother, Irene, died of cancer when Leonora was 12 and I was 20. As a result, she became very close to our father, Leon. Looking back, it could have been his sudden death in 1996 which threw her off kilter.”

Between 1998 and 2000, Leonora had three more detox sessions at Hull Royal Infirmary but she could never stay on the wagon for long.

In December 1999, she broke her shoulder after a fall at work and was stuck at home for three months unable to drive or even dress herself.

Julia says: “She was trapped in the house with wine in the cupboard, so it was the worst thing that could have happened. Drink helped dull the pain when the painkillers stopped working.”

A year after the accident, Leonora gave up her job, unable to cope with the demands of working – and her drinking increased.

The following year there was a glimmer of hope when she checked into the charity-backed Mount Carmel rehab centre in London for a six-month stint.

Although she later returned to Hull intent on staying sober and planning to attend local Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, she did not have any proper aftercare and soon started drinking again.

Julia says: “She used to say she didn’t want to go to the AA meetings because they smelt of cigarette smoke. Looking back, I can see that was the excuse of an addict.”

By January 2003, Leonora’s liver was found to be beyond the point of repair and she needed a transplant.

While waiting for a donor she became critically ill – she had started bleeding internally. By the time Julia reached the hospital, her sister had lapsed into unconsciousness.

Tortured

She says: “The doctors explained to the family that there was nothing that could be done, so we agreed to switch off the machines and let her go.

“I was tortured by the idea that we could have done something more to help her.

“I’m sure there would have been a point before she had developed full-blown alcoholism that she could have been saved.”

With that in mind, Julia has set up The Leonora Trust, a charity aimed at tackling alcohol dependence, with the eventual aim of building a residential rehab centre.

She says: “We want to offer a longer programme for addicts like the one Julia did at Mount Carmel, but we also want to offer a shorter 12-day programme for those who feel they might have a problem with alcohol and need some way of tackling it.

“There are thousands of people out there like that. They may be functioning fine in their jobs but they are getting through the day with the promise of a bottle of wine at the end of it. Life shouldn’t be about that.

“Women are told that they can now have it all but that often just means they are under incredible amounts of pressure.

“If I can help just one woman from ending up in the place that my beautiful, witty sister found herself then her death will not have been in vain.”

So just how much is too much alcohol?

Frank Soodeen from the charity Alcohol Concern, says: “The easiest answer is to as far as possible stay within the recommended limits. For women that is two to three units each day. A unit is one small glass of wine or a 25ml measure of spirits.

“Try to keep better track of how much you’re drinking. The website drinkaware.co.uk has an online calculator to help you work out how much you are consuming.

“If you find that you are drinking above the guidance on a regular basis, you may be storing up problems for yourself in the future.

“It’s worth sitting down and trying to think through the sorts of situations that encourage you to exceed them. It might be that habit of buying rounds at the pub, or uncorking a second bottle of wine with your partner.

“Once you’ve pinned down why you might be drinking too much, it should be easier to then control your intake.

“If you find this isn’t working, then it may be worth making an appointment with your GP. The key challenge is to face the issue and not allow it to become a real problem in the future by ignoring it.”

The Sun