Recovering drinker finds support in Alcoholics Anonymous
Regular attendance at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings at the Delta Alano Club has helped “Joe,” a recovering alcoholic, maintain his sobriety for 12 years. Fifty-five-year-old “Joe” (not his real name) considers himself fortunate. After 20 years as an alcoholic, he’s been clean and sober for 17 years. Twelve of those years are associated with Alcoholics Anonymous.
“I had almost five years of dry drinking before I ever came to AA,” he said. “I was a dry drunk for those five years and I was one miserable son-of-a-gun.”
A dry drunk, Joe explained, is sobriety with all of the behavior of a real drunk. Two years into his dry drunk phase, Joe sought counseling to help him cope with his difficulties.
“It was counseling that got me here,” he said as he pointed to the second seat on the left in the large meeting room of the Alanon building in Gladstone. “While I was in counseling, I read all the literature but I didn’t comprehend any of it. I needed the meetings but I struggled for three years to come here. My life got to be so miserable and I got tired of being tired. I broke down. It was an emotional breakdown.”
Joe vividly recalls the night he made the commitment to himself to attend his first AA meting.
“I drove around the block several times,” he recalled. “I was early so there weren’t any cars here yet. I thought to myself, ‘Nobody’s here for a meeting so I guess I can’t go. I might as well go back home.’”
But Joe couldn’t force himself to leave and when cars began to arrive, he parked his own car and entered his first meeting.
“Right away I saw several acquaintances of mine and several drinking buddies,” he said. “But the camaraderie is unreal. These are some of the same guys I was involved with since day one when I came here. They know the way we all were then and why we are all here now.”
A professional contractor, it wasn’t long after attending AA meetings that Joe began volunteering to do maintenance work around the facility. He pointed out a number of projects he has completed over time and his current projects.
“I’m proud of every one of them,” he said emphatically.
Although Joe has no desire to begin drinking again, he said he still depends on regular AA meetings to keep him on the right path. AA’s “12 Steps to Sobriety” is still the Bible for the organization.
“We all use different steps at different times,” he said. “During our meetings, we work the 12 steps from January through December. Our readings are based on that step for that particular month.”
In addition, Joe also makes it a habit to go through the 12-steps booklet on his own each month.
Joe admits that he doesn’t attend as many AA meetings now as he did in his early years, but he has no feelings of guilt at the change.
“I realize that things change. I’ve changed myself,” he said. “I have grandkids that I like to spend time with and I have to make time for them. I still support the meetings and try to help out whenever I can. Some of us get together at each others’ homes occasionally. But I keep coming back because I like the life I’m living now. AA is actually a very selfish program and I come entirely for myself. I like the social times, but I really need to be here.”
Joe said he rarely attends a meeting that he doesn’t look around the large meeting room and reads the numerous mottos on the walls.
“That one there says ‘let go and let God.’ That’s pretty much were I am today,” he said.
Joe said his outlook on his road to sobriety has evolved since he first began 17 years ago.
“Now most of us can laugh at it but that sure wasn’t true in those early years of sobriety,” he said. “Unfortunately you don’t see much humor in trying to stay sober.”
Although he is a strong advocate for the AA program, Joe said he is beginning to notice a change in attitude amongst those who attend the meetings...particularly the younger ones.
“There are people who come here who have their names in the paper and get caught again before they even go to court for the first offense,” he said. “Some are required to attend AA meetings as part of their sentencing guidelines and they show up, ask for a signature to prove they attended and then they’re out the door. They don’t take any of it seriously. We even have some show up at the meetings drunk. They clean themselves up to satisfy the law and then they’re right back at it. It’s not true of everybody, but too many.”
Joe maintains it’s a lack of understanding about the program that is possibly at the root of the change.
“People are not working the program and don’t take it seriously,” he said. “So many people come and go and two months later, they’re back. The young people come and go. I think it’s the peer pressure...you know...wanting to be like your buddies. Actually, these kids are no different than what I was like when I was growing up. All we wanted to do was go out and have fun. But coming to AA has helped me deal with that. But some people can’t do it and I believe that’s a lot of the problem. I understand the program and know that you have to want to go through with it. They have to actually get with the people and share stories. That’s what happened with me. The people I saw shared stories with me and the light went on. Then I began to understand all the things I read about that didn’t make any sense before.”
While many long-standing recovering alcoholics take on the sponsorship of a newcomer, Joe said he, personally, finds sponsorship a difficult responsibility.
“If the one I’m sponsoring slips, somehow I’d feel responsible. It would tear me up and I’d get angry. But that’s not what it’s all about. If you let that happen, you’re taking on a responsibility that isn’t yours. The person is where he’s at and that’s it. It’s his responsibility.”
Instead, Joe has done other things to help his recovering friends, including driving a few of them to Marquette for treatment.
“But even that has it’s problems,” he said. “Sometimes I’d drive someone to Marquette for rehab and he’d beat me home. I’ve come to realize that the person isn’t ready and they can’t help themselves if they’re not ready. If they’re not willing to do it, nobody can do it for them.”
Being a recovering alcoholic takes patience, Joe maintains.
“This isn’t a contest to see who can get sober first or who can get sober in a month or even a year,” he said. “When new people come in, we see that that was us in our heyday.”
Does he miss being able to have a drink during a holiday gathering?
“I have no wish to be a social drinker,” he said. “Why would I want to? I’m only one drink away from a drunk. My life is so much better without it.”
Joe is counting down the time for his 20th year of sobriety. “I have three more years to go for my anniversary,” he said. “Then I will have more years of sobriety than what I spent drinking.”
The Daily Press