AA helps people lead better lives

Chuck and Sandy, both of whom are members and sponsors for Alcoholics Anonymous, know what it's like to try and beat an addiction.

And they know the best way for alcoholics to overcome their addiction is by connecting with someone who already has.

"Alcoholism is just a real strange disease in that the psychologists can't treat it, the clergy can't treat it," said Sandy, who has been involved with AA since 1990. "The only thing that can help is another alcoholic."

Chuck, who has been sober for 21 years, started drinking as a teenager, and his habit reached its peak in college. He said he was kicked out of school after he passed out in a snowbank and wound up in the hospital. He needed nine credits to graduate.

Sandy started drinking and doing drugs as a teenager as a way to fit in. She finally knew she had a problem when she got older, and realized that she was irresponsible and people were taking care of her. As an adult, that's not how it should be, she said.

Both Chuck and Sandy heard about AA through treatment centers they were attending to deal with their problem. At first, neither of them thought the program could help them. Over time, their opinions changed.

"It wasn't until eight or nine months that I began to have faith that these people could help me," Chuck said.

When Sandy went, she was surprised by the people she found there.

"My view, when I first heard about Alcoholics Anonymous, I thought AA was supposed to be kind of old men who were gutter-run drunks," she said. "That's what I thought AA was. So when I got to my first meeting, my first thought was that there were men and women who looked just like me, who sounded just like me."

As someone continues going to AA and starts to overcome their addiction, they begin to mentor others to do the same. It is the 12th Step of AA. Those mentors, or sponsors, can relate and give advice to others who are attempting to stay sober.

"What began to work for me, how I began to change, I got a sponsor," Sandy said. "I allowed this woman to come into my life, to teach me how to live on life's terms by the power of the 12 Steps, by the power of Alcoholics Anonymous, by the power of social work."

Chuck's first sponsor was at least 30 years his senior, making him wonder if this man could understand him.

"I remember being very concerned, very nervous about that," he said. "But after I was done, he invited me into his kitchen to have ice cream with him and his wife, and it was no big deal. And that was one of the things that made me very comfortable about AA, was that we all had very similar experiences."

There are guidelines to the sponsor-protege relationship. The two people should be in contact and meet on a regular basis. Sponsors should introduce their protege to other people who have been involved in AA for a while.

Sponsors should recommend good literature about the program. And neither of them should try to convince the other to change their opinions on personal matters, such as their religious beliefs.

Chuck said an important thing for mentors to remember is they cannot make someone change for good or bad.

"What you've got to realize is, it's not up to you," he said. "All you can do is be there for them, provide them with guidance and point them in the right direction. The rest is up to God."

Chuck did not start sponsoring other people until after being sober for a few years. Sandy began sponsoring people less than a year after attending AA meetings.

When she started, she questioned how much she could really do for another person.

"I didn't know that I could help her," she said. "I didn't know that I would be able to help someone else."

Chuck is sponsoring four people. They meet and talk regularly, and when someone needs to talk, he will answer the phone day or night.

"They may call you up one day and tell you that something is particularly bothering them," he said. "And you know that sort of can be a code for if they don't get some relief in that area, they may drink. So it's important to get that worked out."

Not all cases have a happy ending.

Recovering alcoholics usually don't just start drinking again; Chuck said there are warning signs. They don't call their sponsors as much or attend AA meetings on a regular basis. And they might not follow the advice of their sponsors.

Such was the case with one of Sandy's proteges.

"She moved out of the area, first of all, and that's kind of tough to have a long-distance relationship," she said. "She began to do some things that I didn't approve of. When she began to do that, she drifted further and further away from me, and she couldn't adhere to the steps."

The woman had an affair with a married man. Sandy doesn't know the details, such as whether that contributed to her drinking again, but the woman's relapse eventually resulted in her committing suicide.

Sandy said she misses her, but also realizes there was nothing she could have done.

"There's nothing I could've changed, because the power of alcoholism is so strong," she said. "It's a powerful disease. It takes women down."

Chuck, who has also worked with people who relapsed, said such experiences make him sad but grateful for his own recovery.

"There's not much difference between me and them," he said.

Those stories sometimes make Chuck wish he had more control in a person's recovery. There is a positive aspect to it.

"The flipside is, I've seen people just have incredible recoveries, regain families, fantastic jobs, re-establish themselves materially," he said. "And what you realize is, that's not you either. All you've done is give them the tools and sort of helped them pick up those tools and run with it."

Rocky Mount Telegram