I'm going back to Alcoholics Anonymous

Paul Merson looks at the shocking image of himself in the Mirror and tells me: "Thanks for saving my life."

The former England player, who has battled drink, drugs and gambling addictions, was pictured on Saturday overweight and boozed up as he celebrated his 38th birthday at a pub.

Yesterday, he admitted: "The tummy, the bleary eyes - that's the worst picture of me I've ever seen. I'm putting it on my wall so I'll see it every day.

"It's opened my eyes. To be honest, it's saved my life. You've helped me - I'm going back to Alcoholics Anonymous.

"As you know, I've been drinking heavily. I'm an ill person. If I don't go to AA meetings, I'm not going to get well. And if I don't get better, it'll only get worse. I know that."

The once brilliant Arsenal, Aston Villa and Portsmouth star - capped 21 times for England - is a serial confessional failure.

He admits his demons, takes action to fight them. Then he goes out and does it again. So is this another false promise?

Merson - who confessed last week "I'm still in a bad place" - replied: "I hope not. I went five years without a drink before."

Correcting himself, he went on: "Well, I had one bad experience in that time when I was with my first wife and went out.

"Then I stopped. So it's just one night in five years that I had a drink. I was dry through all those years at Villa and Portsmouth. I don't know what put me back on it again. I stopped going to AA because I thought I was going to be all right.

"Your head tells you that you're OK and, before you know it, you're back in the same old circle of drink, drink, drink. It's one of those things. One drink is too many and a hundred aren't enough."

So is he going to do a George Best?

Merson said: "I hope not. When I looked at my picture in the Mirror, that's the first thing that came into my head.

"He was a legend but drank his life away. Yeah, it could go that way. No question about it. I don't want that."

Candid enough to admit he has fallen off the wagon, Merson insisted he no longer took drugs or gambled.

He said: "I'm not doing drugs. I did cocaine in '94, but I haven't touched it since. That's 12 years. I want to clarify that 100 per cent.

"As for gambling, everybody knows I had a problem. I was gambling on the internet but went into treatment two years ago. I don't do it anymore. I used to bet big money. But I haven't got money to throw away like I did. If I can't bet and win big, what's the point?" The twice-divorced soccer legend - who has three sons by his first marriage to Lorraine, 36, and twin four-year-old girls from his second marriage to Louise, 38 - also fiercely denied he was in debt.

He told me: "People say I'm financially in trouble. But I've two ex-wives living in very nice houses all paid for.

"I've five children going to private school and live in a nice apartment. I do TV work which I love. I'm not in the gutter.

"I don't owe a penny to anyone. Over the years I've lost a lot of money. But I've also earned money." Millions? "Well, yes." And what about the women? A friend has told the Mirror: "When he's out of his skull, he starts chasing skirt." On his party night at the Old Swan, Stonnall, Staffs, he made embarrassing drunken advances to girls.

Merson replied: "I'm a free man now. I went home on my own from the pub that night. I'm a single lad - not my choice, though it was my fault."

Friends worry that Merson, who hung up his boots after being sacked last month as manager of Walsall, is a "tragedy waiting to happen". He acknowledged the dangers but said he hoped to win through.

Merson, an occasional TV pundit, said: "It's nice that people worry. But, thank God, I've been busy. I enjoy commentating on football and that's the way I want to go."

The star, who lives in a £300,000 flat in Mere Green, Staffs, denied his drinking played a part in Walsall's relegation, blaming his lack of physical fitness.

After being dismissed, he moved to National Conference side Tamworth. But he played just one game before retiring.

He said: "I wasn't very good. I hadn't played for four months and my Achilles tendon was hurting. I thought, 'I don't need it'.

"I couldn't play at my old level, so I thought there was no point carrying on.

"I could have gone out in a blaze of glory when I got promoted with Portsmouth. But I couldn't do it. I love football. I just played until I couldn't play any more."

Merson is now fronting an interactive virtual football academy DVD, which will be launched on May 1.

He is hoping it will be a "big success". But he knows that still lurking inside him are the frailties and fears that can cast him into the hell of that "dark place".

"Am I in danger of slipping back?" he asked. "Well, only time will tell."

Mirror