Waiting until dark doesn't mean no alcohol problem

When Gene Robinson announced last week he had checked himself into an alcohol treatment center, it came as a shock to all except his family and closest friends. Considering the scrutiny he had been under since becoming the first openly gay bishop in the Episcopal Church, it was remarkable that Robinson had been able to keep his problem a secret. But Robinson, like millions of Americans, was apparently an after-dark alcoholic.

I first heard about after-dark drinkers when my college roommate and I discovered we had something in common - an alcoholic parent. My father was a binge drinker who might remain sober for months between bouts of incapacitation and hospitalization. We never knew when he'd be drunk or sober.

My roommate's mother, on the other hand, was utterly predictable. While she never drank during the day, when 5 o'clock rolled around, she'd pour a cocktail and knock them back until she passed out later that night.

My roommate actually envied me. At least every now and then my father would act like a normal dad. At least a few of our family vacations and holidays went unspoiled. At her house, every night was hell.

Many after-dark alcoholics, like my roommate's mother, don't believe they have a drinking problem. After all, they drink mostly at home between 5 and midnight. In the morning they get up and go to work. They raise families and pay taxes. They get the grocery shopping done; they put dinner on the table at night.

But the truth is, after-dark alcoholics can't fully participate in their own lives. They avoid joining clubs or volunteer organizations that might require them to attend evening meetings. They zone out in front of the television because they're too drunk to read a book or stitch a quilt. They make phone calls and send emails that they'll later regret.

Worst of all, they neglect their kids and spouses. They're too drunk to help with homework, to play board games, to oversee baths and tooth-brushing, to read before bed. Too drunk to rub a spouse's sore back, to plan a summer vacation together, to talk seriously about a child's troubles at school. In an emergency, they're useless. Should a child tumble down the stairs, or spike a 105 fever, they can't assess the seriousness of the situation, never mind drive to the hospital.

One problem with after-dark drinkers is that their alcohol dependence can increase so gradually they don't recognize they have a problem. The body's response to alcohol changes with regular drinking. The drinker needs more and more alcohol to feel relaxed and happy.

What started as a habitual glass of wine with dinner can, over the years, expand to cocktails before dinner, followed by a full bottle of wine, followed by a nightcap. Indeed, Gene Robinson, in the letter he wrote to his diocese explaining that he had entered alcohol rehabilitation, spoke of his "increasing dependence on alcohol."

Help is available

If you're a drinker, ask yourself honestly if alcohol ever interferes with your life. In a nighttime emergency, could you drive a child to the hospital? Do you get crabby if you can't have that glass of wine at 5? Do you argue with your spouse over trivial matters after drinking? In the morning, can you recall the night before? Do you sometimes go to bed without brushing your teeth? Do you ever wake up feeling hung over?

If you find yourself answering yes to these questions, you may one day find yourself a full-fledged alcoholic.

It doesn't need to get that far. People who are physically dependent on alcohol need medical intervention to detoxify and then the long-term help of a counselor or a support group to stay sober. But those who have simply gotten into the bad habit of tossing back a few too many every night can adjust their alcohol consumption on their own before it ever comes to true physical addiction.

Some people can make up their minds simply to cut back and stick to it. Medical experts recommend that women consume no more than one drink a day, men no more than two. And one drink doesn't mean a 24-ounce tumbler of wine - that means five ounces of wine, one 12-ounce beer or one light cocktail.

If, despite your best efforts you can't stop drinking, it's time to have a talk with your doctor, to get yourself to a support group, or into counseling. Twelve Step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous work well for some, but others find their emphasis on confession and a "higher power" off-putting. Other programs are available, such as Rational Recovery and SMART Recovery.

Want to avoid groups all together? Cognitive behavioral therapists have had great success treating problem drinking, while some people are helped to curb their drinking with a course of anti-depressants.

We should all be grateful to Gene Robinson for being so forthcoming about his problems with alcohol and bringing attention to the quiet epidemic of secret alcohol abuse.

My father died of his alcoholism at the age of 48. Lisa's mother died in her 50s from breast cancer, a disease linked to alcohol abuse. They both left behind sad, confused spouses and children.

Let's hope that in the wake of Robinson's confession, many people change their drinking habits and save their own families that kind of grief.

Concord Monitor Online